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OK, here’s my TOP TIPS  for making sitting on yer arse and doing sod all with your leg in a cast easier.

1: My Better Half.

I would of been bloody miserable without her, she has a lot to put up with.

2: Man Bags & pockets. Like a 70’s cop show – only better.

Many hands make light work, no hands make it hard work. On crutches every trip has to be necessary as far as I’m concerned, so I go pack horse style, man bag and pockets loaded with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Yes all I do is eat… and watch loose women.

3. Baby Wipes- Evil Genius.

I’m pretty good at the ‘Tramps Bath’ but those toes in that cast get funkyer than James Brown after a few pints. I now HATE the smell of Johnson’s baby wipes, in fact I will probably punch a small child, in the face,  if they came near me smelling like em’.

4: The Flask. Dun Dun Dun Duuunnnnn,

Cups have handles, handles are for hands, you don’t have any spare. Do the math, Flask + Man Bag = A Cuppa.

5: The Internet. Hello world at 72dpi.

I bloody love the internet. I am now the proud owner of more random stuff than a man can need.

6: Playsatan. Even if your network steals our money, I still loves ya.

For once it dosen’t seem like a pointless waste of time, it allows me to explore new worlds, run free and ‘conquered worlds!’ Except Assians Creed II which is as bobbins as the first one.

7: Work from home. It’s where the heart is.

Thankfully I work for a nice boss, and I can work from home, so I haven’t seen a tube or a bus in a while. Would someone give me their seat? Actually I think they would.

8: I gotta get out of this place. It might be the last thing I ever do.

Even if it’s not that far, getting out and about for a bit was good for the soul, I’ve never had more people come up and talk to me, who needs a puppy, rupture your Achilles people. Chicks Dig it!

9: Ryan Russillo’s NBA podcasts.

10: Cushions. Big fat Cushions.

I bloody love cushions more than I ever did.

11: Tesco trifles. AhHaaaaaaaaaaaa! (Beam of light)

Food of the Gods. In a container. With a lid.

12: Plastic Containers. Tupperware Porno.

If it has a lid I am all over it.

13: Balance.

Don’t have any? Better get some.

14: Patience.

Found seldom in a woman and never in a man, add crutches and a cast to that man and you have no chance. HOW LONG CAN IT TAKE TO GO AND HAVE A WEE AT 3.46 AM!!!!!!!!!!

15: Laugher.

If you don’t you’ll cry. Cast itchy? Knocked something over and smashed it with your crutch? Spilt coffee on the couch and your willy and you know it’s going to take you half hour to clean it rather than two minutes? etc. etc. etc.

16: The Belkin CushDesk. Yours for onlt 19.95!

I went for grey, but you could go for pink. Stops your winky getting fried by a hot laptop when you have to work with it on your lap.

17: A Bean Bag. It’s a bag with beans in it.

Better than a footstool, they are so 92′

18. The upside down crutch

Makes a darn good leg rest on the go. I’m just like MacGyver sometimes. Only our mothers could tell us apart.

19: The Bath Bench

I put off getting one of these for a while, I was a bit worried about hurting my leg, I now know that was an over reaction, but hey, you live and learn. Some of these are kinda pricey, I got mine off ebay (new) for £8.58 delivered, bargin. Having a shower was the best feeling. Take your time, check it’s fitted properly, check it again. When your done, dry yourself well, then check the floor to see if it’s wet, then check it again, then check it again. THERE IS NO RUSH, YOU AIN”T GOING ANYWHERE FAST.

20: The LimbO cast cover


I’m sure other are available, but these work well. I even used it when I went into the Air Cast Boot, so I could get back into the boot with out having to dry my damaged leg. Not me in the pic by the way.

21: Smart Crutches

I’m pretty good on my standard NHS crutches (is that a boast?) and round the house they are great, but if I have to go any distance, these things are great, bit more awkward to use, getting keys out of my pocket is a bit of a pain, stuff like that, but taking your body weight on your arms is so much easier than hoisting yourself round on your hands and wrists. I go into a bit more detail here.

22: Skype

My folks live in Northern Ireland and weren’t able to get over to see me, I set up Skype for them when I moved to London. During my time doing bugger all the lunch time Skype call made all the difference, my Mum would say he’s never talked to me so much, and I’m sure when I’m recovered she’ll be longing for the days when I had my bust Achilles.

23: Pipe insulation


Crutches handles are the devils own work, I’m always impressed that they don’t snap off, but the pain they put my baby soft hands through is something else. The answer? Pipe insulation and electrical tape. Cut the insulation to length, tape on on the crutch handles and feel the soft loveliness! OK so it only last a few days before the foam breaks down, but it’s a £1 for enough to do 4 or 5 goes. At the moment I’m rocking 70’s brown for that retro look.

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