For the first time I felt properly frustrated.

As I’ve said I want my blog to be as honest as possible, this is one of those posts… it might help someone, or you could just think ‘get over it’ either way it’s all good.

For the first time since my injury I feel properly frustrated, I’m now four and half months in casts and for some reason today I hit a bit of a wall. My leg feels good, but my Doc is still a bit like ‘if it goes again we’ll have to…’ and I’m thinking ‘that’s easy for you to say, if it goes again I’ll spend the guts of a year in casts!’. I left my job recently and have a couple of interviews coming up,  I start some freelance work tomorrow for a couple of weeks and it should be a really exciting time, but I just wish I wasn’t in a cast anymore. I’ve done everything I was told to do, and I know I was just a bit ‘unlucky’ but I am just a bit fed up with it all now. Trying to impress potential employers, but saying ‘O I can’t do this morning as I have a doctors appointment’ or ‘Do you mind if I’m late in as I have physio’ is a pain in the arse. I know these things happen though and what will be will be.

I’ve now had one Ultrasound that said I’d ruptured (at the start). An Ultrasound that said I was OK (one I paid for after they thought I might of re-ruptured). An Ultrasound that I’d re-ruptured (the second one in the hospital). An MRI that said I hadn’t (but didn’t scan far enough up the leg). Another MRI (this week to scan further up the leg). This must be enough scans for anyone.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, the Doc say another four weeks (which is about three and half ish as I type) but ‘RE-RUPTURE’ keeps flashing before my eyes.

There. I feel better. Sometime it’s good to get it off your chest, part of the reason I did a blog was to be able to do this kind of thing.

Moan over.

Read Full Post »

the emotional roller coaster goes back up to the top…

Today was the day I saw my Doc. After I had my ultrasound and they said it was a re-rupture, I’ve had several emotional days where I was ready for the worst.

I explained to my Doc what the ultrasound had said, and was already to get into what do we do next but he was like ‘Hang on, let me have a look’. So up on the bed, Thompson test, prodded and poked at, wriggling of feet, lying on my front legs in the air, tendon massaged, and he was like ‘I’m not so sure’. I asked what about the scan? he explained that whilst the guy who did my scan is a friend of his and very talented, but  you need a scan, to see the patient, and to listen to the patient to get a full picture and see where we are.

So the out come is that I have done some damage to the tendon, where the tendon and muscle merge (that was where my original injury was) but it’s all there and even if I asked to operate on it as it stands he wouldn’t. There wouldn’t be much he could do (due to it being tendon and mussel where the damage is). He booked me in for an MRI in a couple of weeks and told me to go back to light physio get some blood flowing round the tendon to help it heal, along with getting my other half to massage the tendon to loosen it and get the scar tissue away.

Thanks to all of you who were concerned for me, it meant alot, and I’m sorry if I seem like the boy who cried wolf, I don’t mean to. I want my blog to be as honest as possible and show the good and bad bit’s of an ATR. This has been the most emotional, confusing part of my recovery so far and if you reading this and thinking that’ll teach you to jump to conclusions, you’re right I did, hopefully this will help someone else not to. I’m off to hug people.

Read Full Post »

confusion reigns

in my head that is.

After a bit of a crazy day yesterday, every emotion under the sun washed over me at some point or another I gave up and went to bed. Awake at 4.33 am, which I only mention because after the last time I thought I’d re-rupture I awoke at that time as well (I did fall asleep again mind, and finally woke around 8.30 which is a lot more civilized).

Anyhow onto my point, this post is a bit self indulgent but I want my blog to be as honest as possible, fingers crossed there’ll be something in it that helps someone else. All that keep going over and over in my head is if the Doctor examined me and said it’s fine, I have good movement in my foot, I passed the Thompson test, hell it even feels like I could walk on it (I won’t try) etc. but the ultrasound says it’s gone again how does this happen? Why can’t it be a bit more black and white… I guess that’s the human body…90% science, 10% trial and error.

Apart from all that, the waiting is once again the killer, I now have to wait till Wednesday to see my Doctor, and by that time it will be nearly a month since it re-ruptured and that it a month wasted as far as I can see. I’m ready to start again, ready to have an opp, ready for the casts, I just wish I hadn’t wasted a month. I know it’s no anyone fault and all the signs were good, but still it’s a month I could of had over me and you wouldn’t have to read dull stuff like this! (if anyone is reading?…Hello?…Hello!?…HELLO!?)

Read Full Post »

Ultrasound says…

I had my ultra sound this morning at 10.50 (I like to be exact.) and Ive made a bit of a mess of my achilles, but it’s still in one piece it.

My (long suffering and lovely) other half was watching the monitor and said the bad bit looks a bit like this…

So I’m happy, I know that sound odd as I’m sure I’ve just put myself back a few months, but that fact that it’s still in one piece is a weight off my mind. I see the doc on Wednesday morning and he might not be quite so happy but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now I’m back on block in my Aircast boot (4 of them) and I’ll keep it well rested till Wednesday and see what the outcome is, wish me luck.

I got a private Ultrasound scan done (Ironically my ultra sound appointment just came through from the hospital for the 22nd of July! I couldn’t sit waiting that long) and for putting my mind at ease it was the best £165 (Harley street wanted £300+) I have ever spent. I got it done here they were very helpful, I phoned on Friday (£40 deposit) and had an appointment on Saturday morning, handy. I did phone the secretary of my Doctor first and she said he would have no problem with me getting my own scan done, so with any luck I won’t get my wrist slapped. The NHS have been great, but at this point I just felt I need to take charge of my situation and have everything in place for when I see my Doc or I felt it could drag on.

The adventure continues (on crutches)…

Read Full Post »